My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
