True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
