Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
