I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
