If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Randomize
