I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize