i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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