Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
