the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
