I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
