Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
