So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
