My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
