that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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