shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Can vaginas get frostbite?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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