HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
