You're completely useless in the revolution.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
