You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
