i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
