New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize