was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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