I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
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