So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Someone came in the potted fern
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
