so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
