walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
