I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
