they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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