The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
