Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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