I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
