Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
