my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
