my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
