I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
