We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
