i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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