do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
