so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
