the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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