You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
