Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
