I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize