You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize