Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
