Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
