I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
