I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
