pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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