She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
