Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
