once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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