This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
