i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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