3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize