remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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