It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Randomize
