mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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