watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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