you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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