I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
