I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
