I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Small penises have feelings too.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize