I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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