I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize