who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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