I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm really busy with my period
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