Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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