i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
