yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
