He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
