Buhtt sex?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
